Sorrowful identity
by Freya's Valhalla
Summary: Konan is his angel. Pain is her God. But who is, Pain? Clinging to the past can make you lose yourself. Contains lemons. Edited.
1. Heap

**This is my first Pain x Konan story, so please be kind :). Note that this was supposed to be a oneshot but has now been extended to what will probably end up being a threeshot (probably just made this up but I think we all get it). I really don't know how to describe this story, but it's mainly an approach to Konan's POV of the events that took place before both of the character's death with my own personal alterations. Oh you might as well just read it. ENJOY!  
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**xxXxx**

"I can take care of it if you want, Pain", Konan's voice echoed through the blunt shallow room.

The orange haired man was sitting by the edge of the stone overture, his gaze posed on the horizon or by default, on the bright city of Amegakure now that the sun had decided to slip away.

"That will not be necessary", he sentenced undeterred.

Konan sighed crestfallen. Pain never needed help. He probably didn't even need here. Almost. She parted her lips trying to figure out which could be the next right words to pronounce, but found none.

She turned facing the door, opened it slowly hoping that time he might say something, but he didn't. She walked out and shut the wooden door, sorrow eyes fixated on the God.

**xxXxx**

"He's back", Madara informed Konan as she walked towards the hideout. His voice was deep this time like every other one he approached her or Pain. He was resting his back against the wall; arms crossed staring at her with that one eye of his which was ridiculously the only thing you could perceive from his unrevealed features that hid under his mask.

He straightened and walked calmly towards the darkness that engulfed the cave and she followed without hesitation.

"It is time to seal the six tails", announced the Leader.

"Oh boy, I hate this", Kisame let go shoving his Samehada aside.

"Waaa! Leader is so amazing! He tracked the beast in no time!" Madara squealed using the high pitch voice he flaunted when the other members gathered.

"We shall begin", he sentenced, omitting his partner's previous comments.

There were six Akatsuki left. The shark beast, eye bloodied kid, the plant, the masked man, the angel and the God.

After the long extraction and some mere brief financial conversations, each member left their one way. Pain headed towards his room and Konan found herself following. It was funny; how when they used to be homeless kids he'd be the one to search for her silently and was to unsure to leave his gaze from the ground, hidden by his red shiny hair. He constantly sobbed curled up in a ball, thankful that she had swept him off the streets and provided him a warm place. Those days. Those now distant days when Yahiko was still there. Reachable. But of course he was still in some ways. Pain had made sure to find a way of relinquishing his presence.

When he reached his chamber, he immediately headed towards the distinguishable overture that allowed him a panoramic view he seemed to enjoy. No one was able to tell if his eagerness was encouraged by a sense of belonging or rather a reassurance of his powerful position. Konan stepped in further behind him and closed the door. She stood still a few centimeters away from him. She always proceeded the same way. Konan would follow him around most of the time although he'd usually simply head to his room at any chance. She'd willingly follow silently until they secluded alone in privacy. Then she'd stand stiff while glancing at him intensely aware of any slight movement or word.

"Are you tired?" she inquired softly.

"No."

But he was. The extraction had lasted three days and during it he had still been using up chakra to make at least one corpse function. Konan asked plainly to fill up the heavy silence even if it didn't make any sense at this point. There was no need for delicacy nor cordiality. Maybe there wasn't any need at all. Almost.

She kept staring at him unceasingly. He was dead but still looked so alive. Yahiko had meant hope, dreams, love. Pain meant silence, orders and obedience. Konan moved towards the man, sitting on her knees right behind him. He didn't seem disturbed. She embraced him while resting her head sideways on his back; first gently and later when no neglect was shown, gripped his cloak over his chest firmly.

Konan could feel his rhythmic breathing. Even if it was an illusion crated because of their incapacity to let go; it didn't matter given the circumstances. Being able to seize him meant someone was there beside her. She didn't have the luxury or the courage to expect anything else. Konan was about to remove her hands when he suddenly placed one of his on hers and started to stroke it. That, was real. And it was Nagato. They shared yet another moment of silence, rain drops brushing against their skin. Konan shivered when a chilly breeze hit them. Pain became aware of her quivers and soon signaled for her to go inside the room. Without even looking at Konan, he stood up and walked towards the edge of the bed, sitting methodically on the mattress while placing his disturbing gaze on her.

"Come", he spoke dryly.

Even affection came under the guidance of command. Konan sank in to his eyes and wavered before giving in to his orders. When she was close enough, Pain grabbed her by one of her wrists and pulled her down by his height. He glanced at her with his wakeful violet eyes before drowning in to her mouth, savoring her bleak lips. It was a fierce kiss. Pain was shallow most of the time no matter the situation. There was no difference between a successful mission or a deceased Akatasuki member. He would of course pronounce a few acknowledging words in the last case, but nothing really meaningful. There was but, an occasion when he'd allow himself to loosen up a bit: desire's knock on the door.

Pain slid his tongue in her cavity without hesitation and they rolled their uncontrollable muscles around each other's. Pain teasingly roamed his free hand underneath Konan's cloak and caressed her breast, squeezing one of her rosy nipples. She let go a low moan that was unavoidably swallowed by Pain's lips. Konan sat down on her knees for comfort, facing Pain straightly. When they parted for air, he stopped caressing her and avidly removed her cloak, leaving her exposed in her tight leather suit. They looked deep down each other's eyes again; her at his spirals and him at her golden pearls. It was impossible to remember how many times they had given into their needs already but it was long enough to recognize anticipation on both sides. As for their thoughts, she wondered what went through his mind every time he took her and if he struggled having to deal with looking like Yahiko, feeling like Nagato and being Pain. Pain on the other hand, tried not to think much about anything else than excelling. Otherwise, he feared he'd crack. Again.

"Undress", he whispered next to her earlobe before biting her pale fresh. She gasped at the tense touch and proceeded to unzip her suit and remove it while he kept nibbling and sucking at different places between her collarbone and neck. Once she was fully naked, Pain motioned for her to sit on his lap, legs resting around his. He then placed a hand on the not yet massaged breast and teased it, licking and pulling the other one's nipple.

Konan moaned louder this time, her eyes half lid and managed to remove Pain's cloak and shirt as she could, caressing his bare chest. His hands eagerly left her breasts. One of them was placed on her hip while the other one made its way between Konan's legs. He traced one finger through her folds and met her clit, which he started to rub in a slow pace. She quickly shivered as chills were sent through her spine. Unconsciously, she dug her nails on both his shoulders as whimpers escaped her lips. She instinctively also found herself rocking her hips against his fingers, trying to gain as much pleasure with the delightful friction.

"Pain…", Konan moaned. He sped up the rhythm, making her breathe and squeak faster. He gently introduced a finger inside of her to overtake her coming orgasm.

"Ah!" She gasped as she felt one of his warm digits invade her tight hole.

"Hmm, you're really wet, Konan", he hummed while staring at her, making her flush. He definitely made her lose control.

She kept rocking her hips, this time up and down, swallowing his finger. He shortly introduced up to three fingers and just as she was about to reach her climax due to the unremitting pounding, he removed them all. She stared at him aroused, trying to look molested.

"You know what I want", he voiced and removed the last pieces of fabric he wore, revealing his stiff cock, "and by your joyful moans I'm guessing you want it to."

She did. It didn't matter that it wasn't Yahiko anymore but just a reminder of who he once had been. She craved whoever that body was supposed to be now. She like it when he was gentle, rough, when he'd tie her up, when he'd make her beg… any approach was welcomed as long as she could feel filled for a short, sometimes long time. Konan stood up. Pain retreated a few inches until he was sitting fully on the center of the bed. She then crawled towards him, glancing at his aching member as Pain stroked it a couple of times, some pre cum emerging. Konan leaned in and was about to pump it herself when he cupped her chin with his other hand.

"What is it that you want my Angel?" He let go affectionately with a low grin.

There he was, teasing her. A slightly surprised look covered her face. Maybe his moodiness was a result of being two different men at the same time.

"I…" she always lost her composure in bed with him. He seemed to enjoy taking the lead. After all, just as he had spoken, she was her angel and he, was God. "I want you", she ended.

"Hmm, specify, Konan", he stated, tracing his thumb over her succulent, colored lips.

"I want you to take me", she rephrased, licking his thumb.

"Better", Pain smiled faintly, "then prove it. On your four, _Konan_", he mumbled slowly.

She could feel his urge rising. Konan didn't even think it twice: she turned around on her knees, her ass facing him and lifted her hips in expectation. She felt him bend over her and angle himself near her entrance, his shaft rubbing against her cunt. She opened her mouth to encourage him but before she could articulate a word, he intruded her. Pain wasn't even really careful. He simply pushed his hard dick in her hot welcoming intimacy and arched his body, accompanied by a low groan.

"Oh, God!" Konan shrieked when he pushed inside of her in one steady thrust. No other appellative could have matcher her source of pleasure better. Pain started to move, each thrust deeper and faster than the previous one. Konan leaned on the bed, gripping the shits tightly and lifting her but higher to grant Pain a better access. He straightened his back, holding her ass cheeks firmly as he stammered in her nonstop.

"Konan… Konan…" he groaned vigorously, feeling her tight pussy around his cock as he watched Konan deliver herself to him, whimpering in ecstasy. She pushed her body up, resting her weight on one arm while she partially lifted herself, making Pain understand her proposal. He placed one of his arms around her slim body and attracted it to his, sitting her on his lap.

"Ah, P-Pain!" She squirmed as she was sat over his muscled body, leaning against his back.

He started to massage her breasts and play with her nipples, bringing her closer to the edge with each thrust and touch. She moved a hand between her legs and stroked her clit as fast as she could. As soon as Pain became aware of her new movement, he placed one of his hands on her sensible spot, removing hers.

"Mine too", he groaned huskily. Shortly, Konan felt an intense contraction and knew that she was almost there.

"God, I'm… I'm… Pain…!" She wailed, wrapping one arm around his neck as she gripped his knee with the other one.

"Angel…" he moaned, his hand still pleasuring Konan.

"Ah, oh… Pain!" She kept moaning, moving faster on his dick as an orgasm hit her.

"Aaah…" Pain growled, leaning his head over Konan's shoulder as he released his warm seed inside her.

Pain lingered onto Konan's neck, giving it warm kisses until he finally settled down. Konan leaned her body on the sheets while regaining her breath. Pain shut his eyes a few seconds and held Konan ny her hips.

"Konan", he said with his steady tone back. She lifted her body enough for him to part from her entrance. Once he did, Konan turned to face him. She was about to kiss him, but refused.

"You should clean your God", Pain grinned faintly, stretching his legs.

Konan would've chuckled if she hadn't been still so aroused and drilled. She leaned into him and licked off all she could.

"Good, Angel", he murmured, brushing her blue hair, enjoying the contact of her hot skilled mouth.

When she was done, she sat on the bed cozily, grabbing her cloak and wrapping it around her body. Pain laid down and closed his eyes, placing one hand under his head. She stared at him for a while, trying to decide if she was about to snuggle next to the him to receive any kind of affection on her satisfied body. She refused. Konan slowly got up the bed and dressed up. As she slipped her sandals on, past memories flooded her mind, taking her back to a time were there was not time. Thus everything, had stopped.

" _Why 'Pain'?"_She had asked years ago, shortly after Yahiko had died and Nagato decided to call himself Pain. To become, Pain.

"_Because you are Pain. Yahiko was Pain. I am Pain and in the end, everybody is Pain", he answered, both soaking wet under the heavy rain._

Konan stood up and turned around to face Pain. To face Yahiko. To face herself. She approached him and bowed over his body. Her shadow caused him to slide his eyes open, meeting each other's gaze in silence. Her heart ached.

"You're more than Pain, _Nagato_", she said softly, emphasizing the last name. His name.

His eyes widened. After so many years of dullness he should be prepared for everything. And yet, she continued to astound him. Konan removed her origami flower from her locks and placed it beside him. She headed towards the door, awaiting no response and closed it behind her as she left. Once she was gone, Pain finally blinked, overcoming his initial shock.

"Konan..." was the last thing he thought before shutting his eyes, searching for sleep after glancing momentarily at her gift.

Then, it rained.

**I think Konan and Pain's past is so tragic. They lost so many things during their lives and still managed to move along; holding on to a utopic dream and making the entire nations shiver at the name of their organization. **

**Thanks for reading and please review! ;)  
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	2. Maturity

**I know, I know, It feels like a lifetime to me too. I'm sorry it took me so long to post a second chapter for this story. The thing is I had figured this as a oneshot, then a twoshot, then I felt like it still had to have another chapter… anyway, what I'm trying to say here is I'm really sorry for having this in a sort of hiatus and that I will hopefully post another chapter sooner next time. I'm guessing the next chapter will be the last one, but you never know with me. Anyway, just enjoy! :)**

**xxXxx**

The thing about rain is it can be both a blessing _and_ a silent torture. Konan had been born under the cry of a heavy storm and would be sentenced to death under the comforting vision of a rainbow. A life tainted by God's tears, a life full of rain.

**xxXxx**

Konan could feel the remains of the morning dew against her feet. She sat down, enjoying the primitive feeling of digging her fingers in to the damp dirt. The sky was as clouded as usual in Amegakure and Konan closed her eyes at the almost imperceptible whisper of nearby steps.

"What are you doing?" Pain asked solemnly, standing at a close distance. Konan lifted her head up to the sky, reopening her eyes.

"I am watching Amegakure."

Pain shifted his gaze, narrowing his eyes towards the city that unfolded before them.

"You should fly then."

Konan huffed quietly and smiled.

"Why would I want to fly when a God walks the earth?"

Pain remained silence, powerful orbs scrutinizing Konan's frame in search of any hint of mockery. Or was it something else?

"I'm fine with seeing what you see", she added softly. _Even though what we see is different. _

A clap of thunder rode the sky, causing Konan to slightly roll her eyes up.

"Today is the day", Pain suddenly spoke. Konan dug her fingers deeper in to the ground.

"Pain…"

"It must be done."

"But your body-"

"Can take it."

Konan sighed, biting her bottom lip as she went over her thoughts. Pain had created six paths. Six paths and yet they all followed only one: the path of pain. Six corpses to break, fight and shield. But still, corpses. And while those lifeless bodies pretended to breath, their God was heading towards the never returning core of the afterlife. Sometimes Konan wondered if the six paths were living a fuller life than Nagato was himself.

"I'm going with you", Konan declared, straightening her cloak as she stood up.

"Your help is not needed."

"It's not about help", Konan replied, her tone hardening, "It's about justice. I have fought in its name, now I want to _see_ it."

Pain held his gaze, plunging deep down in to her soul. Konan did not waver and she calmly let Pain try to subjugate her.

"We part in an hour."

**xxXxx**

The Sun had never shined in Amegakure. It had shyly seeped through the thick clouds, but never managed to enlighten the city. Perhaps war wasn't the true cause of the citizen's grief, but the constant lack of Sun instead. Rain was part of the city as much as the city was part of the rain, but Konan wished she could make the Sun come out once in a while. Not for her, but for Nagato. Maybe like that, Nagato would finally step out of his cave to walk beside her and leave Pain behind.

The six paths had already abandoned the room and it was now Nagato's turn to drag his agonizing body to the surface. Konan watched the bony frame slowly travel around the room. She could perceive the skeletal structure of his chest and the deep rounded bars that consumed his life.

"What will you want me to do?" Konan asked, standing next to the exit.

"I'll break into Konoha's defense and send the six paths to wreck the village. You may accompany them."

Nagato grunted when he bumped against the edge of a table and Konan instinctively moved forward one foot in his direction, but retracted before he could even notice the motion. So many years of physical inactivity had made Nagatto slow.

"What about you? Your body. Where will you be?"

"Observing from the distance."

"You don't need to send all of the paths, with the Deva, Preta and Hum-"

"Konan-"

"Nagato."

Their arguments usually ended up this way, if this could actually even be considered one. There was only one person in the world that could still call out his real name, that _knew_ his real name. How something that seemed so trivial could struck him so numb, was incomprehensible to Nagato. He nervously shifted his hands over the table, flattening some papers. Konan quietly sighed, narrowing her eyes away from Nagato's sight.

"I'll stay with you."

Nagato quickly landed his gaze on her.

"What?"

Konan stepped closer to him, placing one hand over the maps spread across the table.

"During the raid, I'll stay with you", she brushed one hand against his side, "_this_ you."

Nagato stared back at her bewildered, feeling the smoothness of her skin against his sere one. Konan roamed her fingers over his pronounced cheekbone and down to his brittle collarbone. The flawless personification of doom. It felt eerie, to be able to touch. Not a hollow personification of the lost or the remains of an unfortunate stranger, but a man. A man turned into a God. Or a God impersonating a man?

Konan swayed her head forward, the tip of her nose almost grazing against his as she closed in the distance between them. Her plump lips meshed with his, awakening instincts that until then had seemed forgotten. Konan rose to her tiptoes, tightening her grip on Nagato's shoulder. He gently led one hand around her waist, furling his scrawny arm against her body. Konan gawkily sat on the table, driving Nagato with her without granting him any time to break contact. They kept kissing, melding their tongues together into a melodic wave of constricted moans, inflamed by the breathless strokes of their bodies.

Konan undid her cloak, sliding it down her shoulders and onto the table. She then gasped for breath, drawing off her lips from Nagato's as she reached for the zipper behind her black suit. Nagato stared at her, taking in her glowing arousal before sinking his teeth on her neck, waiting for her full breasts to be exposed. She pressed against him, letting Nagato fondle her needy mounts. He teased one nipple, softly pecking her lips at the sound of her rich cries. Konan traced her hands down Nagato's chest, reaching for the waist of his pants when Nagato quivered, slightly backing away from her touch.

"What's wrong?"

Nagato's gaze shifted from her golden gems to the ground, avoiding her penetrating stare.

"We cannot", he stated as calmly as possible. Realization had hit him.

Konan partially readjusted her clothes, wrapping the cloak around her chest. So many times had she been in Pain's arms and yet it seemed like the man in front of her had never touched her.

"Why not?"

He had ripped her clothes off in countless occasions, rid her like a beast, caressed her like a frail porcelain doll, meld into her while he softly whispered her name, forcefully clashed his lips on hers like there was no tomorrow.

"It isn't convenient."

But that had been Pain, this was Nagato. The only thing Nagato seemed to have left to offer to the world was vengeance. She wanted more.

Konan bit her lip, swallowing down the unalterable truth with silent gracefulness. Nagato turned his back on her and fetched a couple of scrolls from a nearby wooden chest. Konan let the rest of the little time left elapse in harmony. It's not like she'd ever been good at speaking her mind anyway. There was no space for words in war, just like sometimes there was no need for words in love.

**xxXxx**

The last words Konan and Nagato shared before they departed their land, to what they had decided to be their fate, were formal. Calculated even. They were not planned to be their last.

**xxXxx**

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><p><strong>Everytime I write about them I feel so dreary. What can I say, I really love this couple.<br>**

**Hope you liked it and if so, please keep in touch and review :) it means a lot.  
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